My wife does not want me anymore

Dear Pastor,

I am in my 40s and my wife is in her 20s. We have been married for four years.

When I met her, she was everything good to me, but she has changed. She has become very cold. I have asked her many times what has made her change and she told me that I should know what her problem is. I suspect that she is having an affair with someone else, but she has denied that. She is very cold to me. We have one child together.

This girl is so cold. I took her for counselling and she told the counsellor that nothing is wrong with her or the relationship. So I asked the counsellor how a man's wife could lay down beside him and when he touches her, she does not respond. She told the counsellor that it is not every time a man wants sex that a woman has to give it to him. So the counsellor asked her how often I make love with her and she said she doesn't bother to count, but it is very often. The girl is such a liar. I told the counsellor that no woman would forget that. So the counsellor asked her if it was once, twice or three times for the week. She said she didn't remember, so the counsellor told her that he did not believe her. Right there I told the counsellor that I cannot continue with this girl. I would like to divorce her. All she likes to do is to eat a lot and sleep.

I do not see why I should continue living with a woman who only wants to eat, drink and sleep. When I said that, she said I should do what I want because her feelings are also dying. The girl would not even try to arouse me. I know that she must have a man. No man but me would put up with her. What do you think I should do?

H.M.

Dear H.M.,

It is likely that this woman is not in love with you anymore. This relationship is dead. A woman cannot be tired all the time.

She no longer loves you. She wants to go. She is tolerating you because she has plans. It is likely that one day, when you go home from work, the house would be empty and she would have taken away all the furniture from the house. Perhaps she would leave you a note saying "I am gone, don't even bother to find me." That's what some women do when the love that they had for the man they married has gone cold.

She is indeed a big liar. Every woman can remember how often they have had sex with their husbands. The counsellor is no fool. He knew she was lying. You may try another counsellor, but don't expect her to speak the truth. I can only wish you well, but prepare for the worst. This relationship is dead.

Pastor