Can’t marry my filthy-mouthed girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 years old and I am living with my girlfriend, who is 33 years old. We have a two-year-old child.

I became a Christian recently and that has caused me to stop having sex with my girlfriend because I have been warned by the elders of the church that to continue to have sex with her, I will be committing fornication.

It is hard to resist my girlfriend, and she is not helping me at all. She wants to have sex. Every time she touches me, and calls on me to have sex, I have to tell her no. She says that no church can tell me when to have sex with her and she does not believe what I am saying. She is now telling me that she believes that I have another woman outside.

My girlfriend has created big problems for me. She called my ex-girlfriend and told her that she knows that I am seeing her because I have stopped having sex with her. My girlfriend said I am lying that my church has told me that it is either I get married soon or leave her.

When my ex-girlfriend called and told me what my girlfriend had done, I could not believe it. When I asked my girlfriend why did she do that she said it must be that I am having sex with that girl or another girl.

The thing is, Pastor, even if I am to get married, I cannot marry my child’s mother because she has a bad temper. She is unable to control herself and, when she is upset, every few words that comes out of her mouth is an expletive.

Another reason I cannot marry her is that she does not like my relatives and does not like when I visit them. My sister lives in western Jamaica and was coming into Kingston to do some business. She asked if she could stay over just for the night and then go back home the following day, and my child’s mother said that she did not want her in the house. We had the space that she could spend the night but she objected. So then, why should I marry this woman?

I doubt that I could be happy with her as my wife. Another thing is that I have not been able to get this woman to go to church with me, especially since I told her that the elders says I cannot be a member of the church and engage in fornication. She hates my church but, as I said, I cannot really marry this woman because she does not like my relatives, and she has a very filthy mouth.

The woman that she called and told to leave me alone, I ended the relationship with that woman many years ago. My girlfriend is a trouble-maker and I would love to hear your advice.

C.,

Dear C.,

Your child’s mother is a trouble-maker. I understand it may be difficult for her to adjust. You have been living and sleeping together. There was never any question about whether it was wrong for you both to have sex.

Now you have suddenly refused to continue. This is because you believe you have had a conversion experience. You have come to see sex outside marriage as fornication. The elders of the church have told you it is either you separate from this woman or get married to her.

She does not believe that what the elders have said to you has had a significant impact upon your behaviour. She believes that you are having sexual intercourse with one of your exes and that is why she called on one of the girls she knew you had a relationship with. She is creating trouble, problems for you, and she is being very willful.

You have already made up your mind that you will not marry her because she does not know how to control her tongue. She has to clean up her language. She has no right in calling your ex-girlfriend to find out whether you are having sex with her. The woman does not even want your own relatives to spend a night at your house. So she is not a good woman.

You may consider making an appointment to see a family counsellor, but, as I see it right now, she would not make you a good wife.

Pastor