When motherhood felt like a burden Young mother breaks silence on postpartum depression struggle

By the time Anna* realised something was seriously wrong, she no longer recognised herself.

Now 23 and on what she describes as “the other side” of postpartum depression, the young mother is speaking out in the hope that more families will recognise the warning signs of a condition, she says, too many women suffer through in silence.

“If I could go on a mountain and scream out how important it is ... I still don’t think it would be enough,” Anna told THE STAR. “People, even your family, don’t understand how bad it is.”

Before becoming pregnant, the Manchester native described herself as confident, outgoing and ambitious. At 19, she was pursuing a bachelor’s degree, and said life was on track.

Although discovering she was pregnant during her third year of university in 2021 was overwhelming, she said she coped well throughout the pregnancy.

“I managed pregnancy well,” she recalled. “Postpartum is where everything hit me like a log.”

Psychiatrist Dr Brian Kazaara of Bellevue Hospital explained that postpartum depression is a form of depression that develops after childbirth, often marked by a persistent low mood lasting more than two weeks.

Symptoms can include loss of interest in activities, sleep disturbances, poor appetite, fatigue, difficulty concentrating and, in severe cases, thoughts of self-harm.

For Anna, the illness robbed her of the joy she expected to feel after welcoming her daughter.

“Two months after having my baby, I was questioning why I wasn’t feeling the excitement I felt during pregnancy,” she said. “I didn’t feel like I loved her... I felt nothing. I was numb.”

Although she sought medical help and received a hospital referral, long waiting times and limited understanding of the condition caused her to delay treatment.

Dr Kazaara said difficulties bonding with a baby can occur in more severe cases of postpartum depression, but stressed that most women recover and develop healthy relationships with their children once they receive appropriate care.

“It is a very treatable condition,” he said. “Especially when treatment starts early, we see favourable outcomes.”

Anna returned to work at a call centre four months after giving birth, hoping life would return to normal. Instead, the added stress, night shifts and sleep deprivation worsened her condition.

“Everything just started to go downhill,” she said.

Her physical health also deteriorated rapidly.

She lost nearly 50 pounds, neglected basic self-care, and began experiencing hallucinations.

“I wasn’t showering. I wasn’t brushing my teeth ... I was seeing shadows, hearing voices.”

Dr Kazaara noted that while hallucinations are not considered a core symptom of postpartum depression, they can occur in severe, untreated cases.

Relief eventually came through counselling sessions provided by her employer’s mental health programme.

“I maxed out every session,” she said. “I was just crying for help.”

Even so, the emotional burden remained heavy.