Boyfriend says my private parts are too big

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 and I have four children for four different men. You may believe that I was a bad woman but I do not think so.

I started having sex when I was a very young girl. I grew up in the ghetto and that was the only way I could survive. I hardly went to school, so I learnt to hustle; most of my hustling was with big men. I got pregnant with my first child when I was 18 and I was not sure who got me pregnant because I was having sex with several men simultaneously. So I told the man who I liked that he got me pregnant and he told me I should not call his name, but he would accept the pregnancy. He was living with his woman.

Although the man told me not to call his name, he paid for everything, and one day I got a call from his sister. She told me that she is a nurse and she would send me stuff that I would need to go to the hospital. I asked this man what I should do and he told me I could register the child in his name. I did not do so and now I regret it because my first child resembles the man. Sometimes I had sex with three or four different men in one week. After I had my first child, my grandmother took her and I went to evening school. I passed three subjects. This man and I broke up after a while, but he kept supporting his child. None of the relationships I had after that lasted long. So I ended up with two boys and two girls.

I settled down with a man and I have been with him for seven years. I asked him why he won't marry me and when he told me why, I cried. He said my vagina is too big. I asked him why he took so long to tell me that. He said he did not know how to tell me, but apart from having a big vagina, I am a good woman. He said I am stretched out. I talked to my gynaecologist about it and she showed me what exercises I should do, so I am working on that.

This is a good man. We don't quarrel. He is a good provider. He takes care of me and he supports the children as if they are all his. He loves them. He had one child before he met me. He is a lovely boy who lives with his aunt, but he spends a lot of time with us at our house.

This man treats me like a queen. I am asking you if you know anything that I can use to make my vagina smaller.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

I can't publish everything that people write. We cannot print some of the words you used in your letter.

I know you do not mean to be disrespectful, but that is the way you express yourself. You said you became sexually active when you were very young and you had numerous sex partners. You hustled on the street. I understand what you mean. You ought to be thankful that you didn't contract an STI.

The man who impregnated you was a good man to you. He did not want you to mention his name, but he told his sister about you and she assisted you. I don't want you to condemn yourself. You went back to school and I am happy about that. You found this man with whom you have had a relationship for the last seven years. Evidently, he loves you, but he says your private parts are too large. You have done the right thing by going to your gynaecologist who has been telling you to do certain exercises. You need to continue to see her.

I know you want me to tell you that you can have surgery. Women have had surgeries on their private parts that can tighten them up, but that is very expensive. So put that out of your mind. Just listen to what your gynaecologist says and follow her instructions. I wish you well. I hope the day will come when this man will agree to marry you.

Pastor